Status Saturday: Alternative Commandments according to Scroobius Pip

Scroobius Pip & Dan Le Sac is a British electro/hiphop duo that produces tight beats with brilliant lyrics on top. In one of their early songs, “Thou Shall Always Kill” (see video below), Scroobius Pip recites an alternative and rather cynical set of “commandments” applied to modern age pop culture.  And I thought they’d make good status updates for this week’s Status Saturday.

Before you continue,  please note that some of the status updates (and lyrics) below are rather explicit. If you’re easily offended, do not read any further.

shall not steal if there is direct victim.
shall not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
shall not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
shall not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a peadophile… Some people are just nice.
shall not read NME.
shall not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
shall not question Stephen Fry.
shall not judge a book by it’s cover.
shall not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
shall not buy Coca-Cola products.
shall not buy Nestle products.
shall not go into the woods with his girlfriend/boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on her/him.
shall not fall in love so easily.
shall not use poetry, art or music to get into boys’/girls’ pants. He/she shall use it to get into their heads.
shall not watch Hollyoaks.
shall not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause he/she once saw a girl/boy there that he/she fancied but is never gonna f*cking talk to.
shall not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.
shall give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-English speaking countries as to those that occur in English speaking countries.
shall remember that guns, b*tches and bling were never part of the four elements and never will be.
shall not make repetitive generic music, shall not make repetitive generic music, shall not make repetitive generic music, shall not make repetitive generic music.
shall not pimp your ride.
shall not scream if he/she wants to go faster.
shall not move to the sound of the wickedness.
shall not make some noise for Detroit.
shall not say “Ho” when you say “Hey”
shall not say “Hop” when you say “Hip”.
shall not quote you happy.
shall not shake it like a polaroid picture.
shall not wish your girlfriend was a freak like he/she.
shall spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X, not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
shall not express his/her shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.
shall think for himself/herself.
shall always kill.

Also check out this recent remix and update of the song, featuring De La Soul’s Pos Plug Won:

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