Status Saturday: +50 funny Facebook Status Updates you can wear!

It’s been a few days since our last post, and that’s because I was out of the country getting my Facebook relationship status upgraded to “engaged” ;) I know we missed one Wacko Wednesday and we’ll make up for that, but we’re back just in time for another Status Saturday!

The 58 Facebook statuses below were inspired by Threadless t-shirt designs, and their Type Tees range to be more specific. This means they’re all Facebook status updates that you can actually WEAR as well as post them to your profile. The prices of the tees range from $9 to $15 (buy them here) which is nothing compared to the value of the conversation-starting one-liners printed onto them. Using them as your status update is, of course, free!

…thinks “supervision” isn’t nearly as cool as it sounds.

…is hoping boomerangs will make a comeback.

…took a bite out of crime and kinda wanted seconds.

…likes to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.

…only fights if pillows are present.

…’s career as a psychic ended due to unforeseen circumstances.

…says: If you can’t beat them, use cheat codes.

…liked homework better when it was called coloring.

…’s creative juices may contain pulp.

…would define “suspense” as…

…liked nostalgia better in the old days.

…thinks medicine is the best medicine.

…says Lycopersicon esculentum, when you say tomato.

…will resist peer pressure. All the cool kids are doing it.

…doesn’t care about science. He/She will donate his/her body to “magic”.

…only “occasionally” uses air quotes.

…suplements his/her personality with witty status updates.

…is going outside today, as the Internet seems to be closed.

…is hoping that history will repeat itself so he/she could get a dinosaur.

…drops it like he/she’s clumsy.

…’s favorite adhesive is a hug

…’s career plans were much more exciting when he/she was five.

…would look cooler if he/she were riding a unicorn.

…thinks life is like a box of terrible analogies.

…would rather play records, than break them.

…is an organ donor (see inside for details).

…plays on expert.

…thinks the future is now. and now. and now. and now. and now.

…turned his/her pants into this status update thanks to origami.

…thinks dinosaurs deserved it.

…bought this status update and all he/she got was this status update.

…wants you to start walking behind him/her, so we can start a parade.

…feels warm and fuzzy inside, like he/she swallowed a kitten.

…says you can’t spell random without tangerine swordfish disco car!

…can’t get enough minimalism.

…is not bitter. He/She’s just unsweetened.

…thinks the art of conversation is, like, kinda dead and stuff.

…thinks sleep is so last night.

…thinks rock is dead. And paper killed it!

…wants to meet you last Thursday if you’re interested in time travel.

…took your wallet while you were reading this status update.

…wants you to stop destroying the planet. It’s where he/she keeps all his/her stuff.

…likes being vague, because it’s almost as fun as doing this other thing.

…wants stupid raisins to stay out of his/her cookies.

…thinks magic is just stuff science hasn’t made boring yet.

…thinks Shakespeare hates your emo poems.

…is sublimawesomeinal.

…thinks video game ruined his/her life. Good thing he/she has two extra lives.

…listens to bands that don’t even exist yet.

…thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

…loves nerds 2² ever.

…thinks that ninjas and pirates would agree that cowboys suck.

…thinks death is our nation’s number one killer.

…is a noun!

…is the oldest he/she’s ever been. So far.

…thinks a city built on rock ‘n roll would be structurally unsound.

…showers naked.