Charlie Sheen’s Winning Facebook Status Updates (Part II)

This week’s batch of Charlie Sheen Status Updates are like torpedoes of truth, more epic and poetic than ever. Keep ’em up coming, Charlie!

will now allow my precious tiger blood to be extracted. There you go, those that deserve it now posses it. Use it wisely, I trust that you will.

will see you all, good soldiers, very soon on the battlefield. Dog speed!

is the Malibu Messiah, the Condor of Callabass.

begs you all to stay glued to this raven-wise, Gibson-shredding Napalm poet before you, alone and unshackled with the desperate cries of the soon forgotten echo freely in my lair, directing your gaze to their silly and sad legless and dying heartbeats.

presents to you my unwanted guest list, the names slightly altered to prevent their stench from polluting my magic daiquiri, or even worse, stealing my favorite pony. A pony named Steve, his orange mane painted blue, blue like the evening sky, as he gallops into the basement to acquire the ancient flatware and a rotting cheeseboard covered in the mold of their moral dysentery.

is in the middle of genius.

has people interrupting his/her brilliance.

thinks we should do my book. Incidentally the title, the best title of all time, “Apocalypse Me: The Jaws of Life.”

is in the cyber pocket of greatness.

winner winner Sheen dinner.

is going to marry a tree.

is just pointing something out: did you notice the word “hell” is in hel-icopter?

is in the middle of a movement here. An odyssey of epic, epic, proportions.

thinks people need to hear my gold as it rolls out, not as it’s disappearing like so many freakin’ magician’s rabbits

has all the gold.

This status update was written by Edgar Allan Me. 2077.

Sizzle, losing, bye!